This is not pretty... 4:35 p.m. 2004-02-03

Current Listening: Big City Eyes by Delia Ephron
Current Reading: Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain
Recipe of the Day: Lemonade Caipirinhas, Kir aux Murs
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Last night, after watching the Dr. Phil show and being sort of inspired by the stories of a healthy lifestyle, I roasted vegetables, sauteed spinach, and cooked a miniscule chunk of steak (about 4 oz.), which I halved between my husband and myself.

Okay, I ate the fat - are you happy, now?

Since there were roasted veggies left over, I scooped them up into a container and sprinkled some cheese on them to take to school for lunch.

This morning, I had a Slimfast shake, then a banana after 2nd period. I waited until about 10:30, then ate my veggies for lunch. Feeling like I was being good, I went to the snack machine and purchased a package of vanilla creme cookies for dessert.

So, why did I just buy a bag of Cheetohs Crunchy cheese puffs to keep me company on the way home? Well, I did have to stop for gas, and I had a habit of stopping off there for drive-home snacks for the past couple of weeks. Since I didn't do that yesterday (I had pie and ice cream waiting at home), and I had been away from school for 4 days, I thought that I had broken the pattern.

Obviously not.

I sit here, having changed into sweatpants, and my stomach is attractively distended. It provides a lovely counterbalance to my humongous ass - pointing in the opposite direction. How I envy overweight people who have no ass - at least they seem to have "options" in clothing. But how do you ever find pants or a skirt that contain both stomach and ass?

Short of wearing a mu-mu, that is.

It's annoying. I love food. I really do. I am currently reading a novel written by a chef, and I receive tempting recipes from every day. I browse the internet, searching for new things to make.

But my biggest trouble is not what I make - it's what I reach out and grab passing by - either for convenience, or because it's easier.

Or just because I can - nyah, nyah, nyah! There's no one stopping me from impulsive visits to stuff myself with sushi at the buffet, or to leisurely ice cream cones at Jake's before I go to my therapist's office. Atlanta is apparently my buffet!

I don't know yet what I am going to do about this. I know that my mom is concerned - she's a Weight Watcher alumnus. I just have to think about what to do. Pay for a personal trainer? Join WW for the SIXTH TIME?

I may just read Dr. Phil's book. It's something - and it's very irritating that the only recommendation I have had (besides from Dr. Phil, himself), if from a friend who is not a candidate for the program. Isn't it irritating to hear a thin, fit, person talk about needing to lose weight?

Oy vey.

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Tiedyefor 2003