Astrology and me 12:08 a.m. 2003-03-08

I have always been a child of astrology. I think that the first time I found out I was a Leo, and read the description of a Leo, I felt like someone finally understood me. Not just the outside, which - at the time I was probably in 5th or 6th grade, maybe younger - was really pretty quiet, but often bossy, dramatic, and flamboyant. But the inside, which had dreams of being an actress, singer, lawyer, author, artist, anything creative and center-stage.

I bought and read all of Linda Goodman's books, and applied what I learned to all relationships. I didn't make racial or social judgements, didn't operate on preconcieved notions of the outside. Rather, once I learned someone's birthday, I would begin to make assumptions about them based on their astrological signs. It was intriguing to me, but it also gave me a sense of control over any situation. I know that, to many people this would seem ridiculous, but it worked for me.

Later, I discovered the astrology columns in newspapers and magazines, and would look with great eagerness monthly or weekly to see "what" was going to happen to me. My favorite was the yearly appearance of the Cosmopolitain Bedside Astrologer. I loved reading through that!

When I joined the church I belong to now, which is a very conservative Presbyterian Church, I learned that astrology was not good. I am not a very conservative person, but I could actually see why one could think this - and it has not so much to do with the literal Devil as one might think.

When things have gotten difficult in my life, I have had a hard time denying the lack of control that I have over other people, and even over certain aspects of my life. When in despair, I would find myself turning to the magazine rack, and looking through not just one, but as many magazines as it took, to find the most hopeful forecast of my future. It gave me some comfort, a way to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

After the Horoscope A Day calendar debacle - I became so obsessed that I had to throw it away - I weaned myself off of astrology for the most part. I still know all that I know, and still inquire after people's birthdays every once in a while (just to check if my guess was correct...). I think that it's harmless, and part of who I am.

And I hardly ever forget birthdays.

Having said that, one astrologer that I still read is Rob Bresney (?) who writes Free Will Astrology. His horoscopes are not your typical "you will meet a tall Pisces stranger" type of prediction, but rather an insight into what you are experiencing emotionally and/or cosmicly. I like him.

Here's what he has to say about me (Leo), and my signifigant other (Aries). He's hit it right on the head as far as my cosmic state, but I am not completely sure about the Aries, since I am not one.

Leo Horoscope for week of March 6, 2003

Last November a flower-arranger named Stacie wrote to tell me about her latest creation. She'd walked into the dry autumn woods and gathered big purple thistles, gnarled berry vines, spiny horehound seedpods, and numerous plants with burrs. After she assembled it all into a bouquet back home, she gave it a title, as if it were a sculpture. She called it "Ode to Prickly Things: My Beautiful Fear." Though she hadn't realized what she was doing, she had assembled a perfect artistic expression of the subtle dread she always carried with her. To see it embodied so visibly had an effect comparable to an exorcism. From that day on, she felt much freer of her chronic anxiety. I suggest you take inspiration from her, Leo. Perform a ritual or make some art that gives you power over the thing you're most afraid of.

Aries Horoscope for week of March 6, 2003

"It was the biggest mistake I ever made, and yet it was the best thing that ever happened to me." When we spoke yesterday, that's how my Aries friend Ron referred to his relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He got involved with her for all the wrong reasons, he said, and they stayed together only because he held on so tightly to his delusions about her. But in the painful months since they broke up, he has harvested a wealth of wisdom about himself. He feels that will serve him in good stead the next time he takes the leap into love. "My time with Susan was equivalent to me getting my PhD in relationships," he concluded. Though the details of Ron's story may differ from yours, Aries, you're ready to make a similar conclusion: One of your big booboos was actually a stroke of great fortune.

And now, as he suggested, I will ponder a collage, or other work of art (or ritual) to help exorcise that fear.

Good night.

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